The Hidden Cost of Bragging
An Accurate Appraisal
Recently I received some gifts from my post-operative patients- some flowers, some trinkets, and an award with pleasing inscriptions - of greatness and gratitude. These are the grateful offerings by some genuinely thankful people. Someone insisted that I pose and put pictures on social media for everyone to appreciate, which I politely refused. However, this made me think of how some folks like to take photos with these gifts and post on their Facebook page or Instagram status, etc., for others to admire their achievements and good work.
Even though everyone craves some validation and vindication for all their hard work, service, and sacrifice, and truly deserve to celebrate such congratulatory moments with their close friends and family, I do have several misgivings about putting up one’s gifts, honors, awards, etc., for display on social media. First and foremost, the heartfelt gratitude of certain loving people, posted on social media, will be up for inspection by several strangers, casual acquaintances, far-flung friends, or distant relatives. I truly believe that this diminishes the sweet, loving gesture of gratitude as it is put up for display, to be gawked at by the general public. I admit that I have been a rare culprit in participating in this behavior in the past, and I see that this practice has become more vogue lately with the explosion of numerous social media platforms.
The wisdom literature, especially the Vedic texts that guide all our movements in this world, also confirm and warn against the perils of such a practice. Here are some reservations- both spiritual and material against this allegedly benign, but in reality a very dangerous practice.
1. Self Worth:
With this practice of displaying one’s laurels, one begins to place their self-worth in the external applause and appreciation. Not completely satisfied with either the work or even the gift itself, one desires endorsement from the public through more congratulations and appreciations as proof of their accomplishment. This need for external validation and recognition is an extremely unbecoming trait and a very dangerous addiction.
2. Placing value on the outside:
Seeking credit for a work that you did successfully diminishes the work and minimizes its value. The work should be done entirely for its own sake. No one should be able to add value to it through external gifts/credits/appreciations/ gratitude or diminish it through critique/ blasphemy, respectively. Therefore, the work is done in such a transcendent mood that it is beyond either positive or negative feedback of other people.
3. Beyond all outcomes:
Bhagavad Gita, the essence of all Vedic Wisdom teaches:
Our work should be beyond the bounds of positive or negative outcomes as it is done completely and solely for the sake of doing your best possible work in all circumstances irrespective of the ultimate result. Thus, the doer is thoroughly and joyfully absorbed in performing the action like a sculptor or painter who creates their art and pays no mind to people's assessment of it. The job well done is the only reward one should seek, and not allow or rely on external recognition to give it value or take value away from it.
Beyond our control: The outcomes are awarded to us based on numerous factors beyond our control and therefore a ‘job well done’ is the only control we exercise in this world. Thus, wise people recommend focusing on what you can control and deferring ‘what you cannot control’ to the divinity who has the ultimate vision and the best plans laid out for you.
4. Something to show for it:
Let me paint a picture for you regarding this practice of seeking appreciation. When someone appreciates and gifts us something, we feel very positive and then share it with more people on social media, receiving yet more applause and accolades. This leads us to look for more appreciation and gratitude in the future, from the rest of our clients/patrons, etc. But as is the nature of this world, none will come for a long time, thus making one restless and frustrated. God forbid, if we encounter a complaining sort of person who unnecessarily critiques our style or technique, we will get upset, lose our temper, and self-control.
This breeds a mindset for seeking appreciation, leading to feeling disgruntled and disillusioned when none comes, and we have nothing to show the world for all our hard work. As our primary interest lies in showing off to the world how great and indispensable we are, the entire focus of work will be aimed at becoming more visible and appreciated.
The ultimate goal should be finding fulfillment in the work itself, using all our talents, skills, and knowledge to do the best possible job. This internal satisfaction should be the driving force, rather than relying on external factors beyond our control.
5. People’s opinions:
Moreover, you allow the feedback of people that know nothing about your work to sway you towards positive or negative emotions. People who have no understanding of your work are now allowed to pass judgement, and one takes their judgement to heart.
Let our mind be a fortress where our feelings, good or bad, cannot be controlled by people, especially those not in the same field of study. We put too much stock in other people's opinions and responses, thus working for the satisfaction of others who have a very shallow knowledge of what the process actually entails. It has been my training over the last several years to pay no heed to either the critique or the applaud, whichever society may bestow based on its current mood, time of day, understanding, fund of knowledge, etc. An artist knows that the general public may not have the heart, mind, or intellect to understand the artist's creative mindset. Detach from others' opinions and focus on your own satisfaction.
How can a sober person allow themselves to be swayed one way or the other by any such expressions of gratitude or critique? Why should one take either expression to heart? Therefore, I personally do not put much stock in such accolades that may soon turn into harsh criticism with a change of winds.
6. Spiritually speaking:
When one enjoys the external credit for work, that is one's duty, and keeping it for oneself keeps one entangled in its reactions. Such a work cannot be called ‘Service’. If a good result, positive outcome, some award, honor, gratitude, etc., comes from a job well done, one should immediately forward it to the Supreme Lord through a channel of our teachers who taught us the skills, and be immediately rid of the harmful entanglement posed by these accolades.
Reward is never pursued:
Our mind tends to latch on to these good or bad feedbacks and responds through joy vs anxiety /irritation respectively. Thus, we are well warned to keep our mind free and detached from the results or outcomes, instead applying it completely and solely to the process of work. Take complete and thorough delight in the work itself, with intensity, vigor, detail, and absorption that there is no room for any positive or negative outcome to deter you or bind you.
The rewards and gifts not only take away from the job but also take one's mind down the harmful rabbit hole, where it starts seeking these pleasures. The more one pursues them, the more elusive these successes become.
Appraise your gifts carefully:
Based on the assessment of Vedic texts, great scholars, and philosophers, my counsel is:
“To become aloof, transcendental, even disdainful of such pleasure-seeking attitude, so-called appreciative or grateful people and their gifts. Hide them carefully from the general public and never go looking for appreciation or gratitude. Such expectations have destroyed many great people, they make our work less joyful and take away from actual internal satisfaction.”
Let any success ensue of its own accord if it does at all. DO not ever pursue it- it will elude you forever, driving you to insanity. Let us all correctly appraise the
‘Hidden Cost of Bragging’
Amazing blog. Lots of unknowns that we have in our life regarding societies so called social media norms are articulated in a perfect way. Great read!